Grandma... All My Luv...

I am having a much more difficult time writing this than I had anticipated.  I have been waiting months for this day and months to write this blog.  My memories are just that, they are close to me, buried deep in the essence of the person I am today.  I cared very deeply for and was very close to my grandmother.  She was the only grandparent that I had ever really known.  My father and grandparents all passed away when I was quite young, too young to have many real memories of them.  My mother and grandmother filled those voids as best they could.

On October 23, 2007 my grandmother passed away.  I attempt to avoid the cliches but sometimes it is completely unavoidable... to say it seems like it was only a few short months ago yet a life time ago in the same breath.  Seems like a common feeling when dealing with the loss of a loved one, but I digress.

My reason for wanting to write this was to share with you the two poems I wrote for my grandmother the day she passed away.  So... ..

SHINE A LIGHT

I know you are at peace

Though you lie beyond my reach

I wish you were still here near me

I know your spirit is finally free

No longer trapped or held back

You fly free of burden

Your shell had cast you in

Shake the feelings of loss

That I hold for you

I know that I will never lose you

You are always in my heart

I am always in your heart

Let your heart guide you

Let my luv shine a light

****

GOODBYE

Did you find what you were searching for?

Do you know the love you have been waiting for?

Have you found the peace you are deserving of?

Are you again all you know that you are?

Are you missing us, as we are missing you?

Do you know how much you have given us?

Do you know how much I am missing you

Do you know I need you right now…

Dora Wilson

Dec 22 1921 - Oct 23 2007

Twitter #Poems - One

Sometimes my mind flies, what I write seems to have no end and goes on for pages. Sometimes it is less, much less but no less satisfying when I look back a few days later to see what my mind has been up to.

Sometimes what I write is 140 characters or less!! More often I am finding myself inspired to write by those that I surround myself with through twitter (and I thank you all for that) and sometimes my twitter page is staring me in the face and it is as good as any scrap of paper when thoughts cross my mind.

On a twitter feed each though is fleeting and lost in a sea of words (140 characters or less!) so quickly...

I thought I would start reposting them here, again, but many more characters at a time!

Cheers!

****

I sought to untangle the webs that I weave

but you were happy to crawl up inside with me.

9 May 2010

***

Your touch, so cruel

My bite, so cruel

Our love, so cruel

So tender, with you...

9 May 2010

***

Torn from loving hands

Cut and bruised your heart

A shattered love affair

Moving on..

15 June 2010

***

Tempted by your coy brown eyes

Tempted by your warm soft thighs

Listen to our starlit cries

22 June 2010

***

I am who I believe I am

Not who I seem to be

Do you know the real me

Or just who you choose to see

27 June 2010

***

I need to make sense

The thoughts in my head

Like a snakes skin

The old must be shed

Make room for the present

Leave the past behind..

29 June 2010

***

Bit my lip

Taste the blood

Against my tongue

Feels good

Knowing I am alive

1 July 2010

****

"To Live Again"

 TO LIVE AGAIN

 In the dark of the night

 In the thin hours of the morning

 Alone with my thoughts

 Alone with the burden

 I’ve been here before

 Now I lie alone

 I’ve seen myself die

 Do I have the strength to live again

 Should I think only of myself

 Or do you wish this of me too

 I don’t know what to do

 I feel myself shaking

 To live once again

 Are they my dreams

 Or my nightmares

 Or just one in the same

 Do I plunge in again

 Throw my ashes to the wind

 Let the sea cleanse my soul

 Wash one life away

 Continue in another

 It is mine to take

 It is yours to give

 Do I take the chance

 Is it there to begin with

 Do I have the strength to live again

 Will I feel it happen

 I just dream of something

 In a hope that will never come

 I just dread of something

 In a hope that it is going to come

 I hold my breath

 I can breathe again

 Anticipation of my only prayer

 Please, I hold my breath

 Let me live again

 I am cold

 I am alone

 I am alive

 To my knowledge

 I breathe

 Lost to all the lessons I have learned

 I must learn again

 I am alive

 Though the ones that I love

 The faces I knew

 Drift passed me unfeeling

 The memories are mine

 I do not recall

 They elude me

 Though my presence

 I feel is real

 In the dark of the night

 In the thin hours of the morning

 Alone with my thoughts

 Alone with the burden

 I’ve been here before

 Do I have the strength to live again

My Motley Crue... one last time

Back in May I introduced you to my Motley Crue in a blog post. He was having some health issue that, well, were breaking my heart and causing me heaps of worry.

It has taken me a bit of time to decide to finally write this and tell you how things went but tonight seemed the night.

A short time after writing the above mention blog I received the news. Motley was diagnosed with Intestinal Lymphoma. He began treatment and rapidly improved... for a time. He played and ate and did "Motley" things. He was his regular cheerful self. When his health would change, his medication would be altered and he would immediately improve again. His prognosis was not good and we knew that all too well but thanks to his amazing Vet, Motley was able to spend so much time with us that he did not have and he did not waste a second of it.

Motley was with me until it was his time. The cancer had spread throughout his body in only a handful of months. I had never wanted to make the decision that now stood before me. I know this is a decision that has plagued many people. I didn't want to say good bye to him on a cold sterile exam table surrounded by strangers. In the end I didn't. Even though he wasn't in his home in the ultimate scenario that had played in my head years before... He past from here, held in my arms surrounded by those who luved him. It is all anyone could want.

Motley passed away exactly 15 years from the day I first brought him home

A thank you Steve for giving him the time he didn't have and for caring so much for him and for all animals.

Rest in Peace Motley Crue. xxx

"Glass Eyes"

 GLASS EYES

 These glass eyes

 Embedded in the head

 Eyes to the soul

 These glass eyes

 Belong to a soul

 Long dead

 To see

 To taste

 To feel the world

 To dive inside your mind

 The power to see

 Even when blind

 To chase the demons

 Out of sight

 Out of mind

 Shut behind

 Glass door

 To see

 To taste

 To feel no more

 Trapped behind glass eyes