23 October 2010

Grandma... All My Luv...

I am having a much more difficult time writing this than I had anticipated.  I have been waiting months for this day and months to write this blog.  My memories are just that, they are close to me, buried deep in the essence of the person I am today.  I cared very deeply for and was very close to my grandmother.  She was the only grandparent that I had ever really known.  My father and grandparents all passed away when I was quite young, too young to have many real memories of them.  My mother and grandmother filled those voids as best they could.

On October 23, 2007 my grandmother passed away.  I attempt to avoid the cliches but sometimes it is completely unavoidable... to say it seems like it was only a few short months ago yet a life time ago in the same breath.  Seems like a common feeling when dealing with the loss of a loved one, but I digress.

My reason for wanting to write this was to share with you the two poems I wrote for my grandmother the day she passed away.  So... ..


I know you are at peace
Though you lie beyond my reach
I wish you were still here near me
I know your spirit is finally free
No longer trapped or held back
You fly free of burden
Your shell had cast you in
Shake the feelings of loss
That I hold for you
I know that I will never lose you
You are always in my heart
I am always in your heart
Let your heart guide you
Let my luv shine a light



Did you find what you were searching for?
Do you know the love you have been waiting for?
Have you found the peace you are deserving of?
Are you again all you know that you are?

Are you missing us, as we are missing you?
Do you know how much you have given us?
Do you know how much I am missing you
Do you know I need you right now…

Dora Wilson
Dec 22 1921 - Oct 23 2007

22 October 2010

Twitter #Poems - One

Sometimes my mind flies, what I write seems to have no end and goes on for pages. Sometimes it is less, much less but no less satisfying when I look back a few days later to see what my mind has been up to.

Sometimes what I write is 140 characters or less!! More often I am finding myself inspired to write by those that I surround myself with through twitter (and I thank you all for that) and sometimes my twitter page is staring me in the face and it is as good as any scrap of paper when thoughts cross my mind.

On a twitter feed each though is fleeting and lost in a sea of words (140 characters or less!) so quickly...

I thought I would start reposting them here, again, but many more characters at a time!



I sought to untangle the webs that I weave
but you were happy to crawl up inside with me.
9 May 2010


Your touch, so cruel
My bite, so cruel
Our love, so cruel
So tender, with you...
9 May 2010


Torn from loving hands
Cut and bruised your heart
A shattered love affair
Moving on..
15 June 2010


Tempted by your coy brown eyes
Tempted by your warm soft thighs
Listen to our starlit cries
22 June 2010


I am who I believe I am
Not who I seem to be
Do you know the real me
Or just who you choose to see
27 June 2010


I need to make sense
The thoughts in my head
Like a snakes skin
The old must be shed
Make room for the present
Leave the past behind..
29 June 2010


Bit my lip
Taste the blood
Against my tongue
Feels good
Knowing I am alive
1 July 2010


12 October 2010

"To Live Again"


 In the dark of the night
 In the thin hours of the morning
 Alone with my thoughts
 Alone with the burden
 I’ve been here before
 Now I lie alone

 I’ve seen myself die
 Do I have the strength to live again
 Should I think only of myself
 Or do you wish this of me too
 I don’t know what to do

 I feel myself shaking
 To live once again
 Are they my dreams
 Or my nightmares
 Or just one in the same

 Do I plunge in again
 Throw my ashes to the wind
 Let the sea cleanse my soul
 Wash one life away
 Continue in another

 It is mine to take
 It is yours to give
 Do I take the chance
 Is it there to begin with
 Do I have the strength to live again

 Will I feel it happen
 I just dream of something
 In a hope that will never come
 I just dread of something
 In a hope that it is going to come

 I hold my breath
 I can breathe again
 Anticipation of my only prayer
 Please, I hold my breath
 Let me live again
 I am cold
 I am alone
 I am alive
 To my knowledge
 I breathe
 Lost to all the lessons I have learned
 I must learn again

 I am alive
 Though the ones that I love
 The faces I knew
 Drift passed me unfeeling
 The memories are mine
 I do not recall
 They elude me
 Though my presence
 I feel is real

 In the dark of the night
 In the thin hours of the morning
 Alone with my thoughts
 Alone with the burden
 I’ve been here before
 Do I have the strength to live again

06 October 2010

My Motley Crue... one last time

Back in May I introduced you to my Motley Crue in a blog post. He was having some health issue that, well, were breaking my heart and causing me heaps of worry.

It has taken me a bit of time to decide to finally write this and tell you how things went but tonight seemed the night.

A short time after writing the above mention blog I received the news. Motley was diagnosed with Intestinal Lymphoma. He began treatment and rapidly improved... for a time. He played and ate and did "Motley" things. He was his regular cheerful self. When his health would change, his medication would be altered and he would immediately improve again. His prognosis was not good and we knew that all too well but thanks to his amazing Vet, Motley was able to spend so much time with us that he did not have and he did not waste a second of it.

Motley was with me until it was his time. The cancer had spread throughout his body in only a handful of months. I had never wanted to make the decision that now stood before me. I know this is a decision that has plagued many people. I didn't want to say good bye to him on a cold sterile exam table surrounded by strangers. In the end I didn't. Even though he wasn't in his home in the ultimate scenario that had played in my head years before... He past from here, held in my arms surrounded by those who luved him. It is all anyone could want.

Motley passed away exactly 15 years from the day I first brought him home

A thank you Steve for giving him the time he didn't have and for caring so much for him and for all animals.

Rest in Peace Motley Crue. xxx

05 October 2010

"Glass Eyes"


 These glass eyes
 Embedded in the head
 Eyes to the soul
 These glass eyes
 Belong to a soul
 Long dead
 To see
 To taste
 To feel the world
 To dive inside your mind
 The power to see
 Even when blind
 To chase the demons
 Out of sight
 Out of mind
 Shut behind
 Glass door
 To see
 To taste
 To feel no more
 Trapped behind glass eyes