"Frosted"

My mind is frosted

Fingers become numb

Thoughts are thickened

Deep cold cracks the ice

So frozen

Unwilling

Unbending

So sore

Crawl inside your flesh

Lay low in your warmth

I am welcomed

"One"

 ONE

 One

 One chance

 One time

 One glance inside my mind

 To have one thought

 One love inside us all

 One moment too long

 One time so far beyond

 How can one be so long

 One slip

 One break

 One daring plunge

 One passes on

 One moment

 Yesterday is one

 One memory

 One day

 One come

 Only one can hear my song

 One to carry on

 One joy to you

 One that passes through

 One time created for you

 One laugh

 One child

 One day we are a life

 One pleasure

 One night

 Upon one endless dream

 One time of pride

 Slow one memory

 One sunrise

 One leap of faith

 One twist of fate

 One door

 Bring one conclusion

 One open hand

 One day again

 One never ends

 Beauty of one

 One day will come

 Replace one gone

 One motion

 One howl in the night

 One sadness

 One fight

 One comfort

 One tear shed

 Two to one

 One day will come

 One day again

 Create a new one

 One start again

 One glance inside my mind

 One time

 One chance

 One 

"I See"

 I SEE

 Take apart the pieces that are left of me

 Scatter them around the room

 So plain to see

 You know never know how much is missing

 Until you put them back together

 Maybe they were never lost at all

 Pushed carefully aside

 Under the carpet

 In the folds of the sheets

 My past is easier to swallow

 If I sugar coat the pills

 A life of blacks and whites

 Seems better on the outside

 I prefer to dream in colour

 To know the true taste of blood

 To feel the true sting of a love

 How easily we give hate

 And hoard our love

 Make it untouchable

 It makes no sense

 We choose to make ourselves suffer

 Throw the book away

 Before the end

 No “happily ever after”

 Greed and suffering instead

 Attack

 Ask questions later

 Abuse

 Ignore ones true nature

 Watch out! Your compassion is showing

 Cover it up

 Before anyone notices

 Conform

 Don’t stand out

 Your opinion only matters

 If you say what you are told

 Bite the hand that feeds

 If it threatens you with starvation

 Run

 Before it eats you alive

 Our freedom is all we have

 It is dear to me

Twitter #Poems - Two

****

No flowers

No raindrops

No glistening streams

Just skin

Just bones

Everything in between...

16 July 2010

***

tiny droplets of water flow together and mingle

as they chase my fingers across your skin

19 July 2010

***

My string was #wrappedaroundyourfinger

Your eyes were staring down at me

My world was #wrappedaroundyourfinger

Waiting to begin

26 July 2010

***

Stand, Embrace

The harshness

The rain

She hides

Your tears

From the world

6 September 2010

***

I dirty the floors with my boots

You hold me close & never lose

Each other forever

Passion never dies

26 September 2010

***

Dry eyes

Stare through the sun

My mind

Burns through

Thoughts of you

27 September 2010

***

Red hue

Dripping

The sky bleeds

Beauty and pain

Behold

29 September 2010

****

Check out the blog post --> "Twitter #Poems - One"

Grandma... All My Luv...

I am having a much more difficult time writing this than I had anticipated.  I have been waiting months for this day and months to write this blog.  My memories are just that, they are close to me, buried deep in the essence of the person I am today.  I cared very deeply for and was very close to my grandmother.  She was the only grandparent that I had ever really known.  My father and grandparents all passed away when I was quite young, too young to have many real memories of them.  My mother and grandmother filled those voids as best they could.

On October 23, 2007 my grandmother passed away.  I attempt to avoid the cliches but sometimes it is completely unavoidable... to say it seems like it was only a few short months ago yet a life time ago in the same breath.  Seems like a common feeling when dealing with the loss of a loved one, but I digress.

My reason for wanting to write this was to share with you the two poems I wrote for my grandmother the day she passed away.  So... ..

SHINE A LIGHT

I know you are at peace

Though you lie beyond my reach

I wish you were still here near me

I know your spirit is finally free

No longer trapped or held back

You fly free of burden

Your shell had cast you in

Shake the feelings of loss

That I hold for you

I know that I will never lose you

You are always in my heart

I am always in your heart

Let your heart guide you

Let my luv shine a light

****

GOODBYE

Did you find what you were searching for?

Do you know the love you have been waiting for?

Have you found the peace you are deserving of?

Are you again all you know that you are?

Are you missing us, as we are missing you?

Do you know how much you have given us?

Do you know how much I am missing you

Do you know I need you right now…

Dora Wilson

Dec 22 1921 - Oct 23 2007

Twitter #Poems - One

Sometimes my mind flies, what I write seems to have no end and goes on for pages. Sometimes it is less, much less but no less satisfying when I look back a few days later to see what my mind has been up to.

Sometimes what I write is 140 characters or less!! More often I am finding myself inspired to write by those that I surround myself with through twitter (and I thank you all for that) and sometimes my twitter page is staring me in the face and it is as good as any scrap of paper when thoughts cross my mind.

On a twitter feed each though is fleeting and lost in a sea of words (140 characters or less!) so quickly...

I thought I would start reposting them here, again, but many more characters at a time!

Cheers!

****

I sought to untangle the webs that I weave

but you were happy to crawl up inside with me.

9 May 2010

***

Your touch, so cruel

My bite, so cruel

Our love, so cruel

So tender, with you...

9 May 2010

***

Torn from loving hands

Cut and bruised your heart

A shattered love affair

Moving on..

15 June 2010

***

Tempted by your coy brown eyes

Tempted by your warm soft thighs

Listen to our starlit cries

22 June 2010

***

I am who I believe I am

Not who I seem to be

Do you know the real me

Or just who you choose to see

27 June 2010

***

I need to make sense

The thoughts in my head

Like a snakes skin

The old must be shed

Make room for the present

Leave the past behind..

29 June 2010

***

Bit my lip

Taste the blood

Against my tongue

Feels good

Knowing I am alive

1 July 2010

****

"To Live Again"

 TO LIVE AGAIN

 In the dark of the night

 In the thin hours of the morning

 Alone with my thoughts

 Alone with the burden

 I’ve been here before

 Now I lie alone

 I’ve seen myself die

 Do I have the strength to live again

 Should I think only of myself

 Or do you wish this of me too

 I don’t know what to do

 I feel myself shaking

 To live once again

 Are they my dreams

 Or my nightmares

 Or just one in the same

 Do I plunge in again

 Throw my ashes to the wind

 Let the sea cleanse my soul

 Wash one life away

 Continue in another

 It is mine to take

 It is yours to give

 Do I take the chance

 Is it there to begin with

 Do I have the strength to live again

 Will I feel it happen

 I just dream of something

 In a hope that will never come

 I just dread of something

 In a hope that it is going to come

 I hold my breath

 I can breathe again

 Anticipation of my only prayer

 Please, I hold my breath

 Let me live again

 I am cold

 I am alone

 I am alive

 To my knowledge

 I breathe

 Lost to all the lessons I have learned

 I must learn again

 I am alive

 Though the ones that I love

 The faces I knew

 Drift passed me unfeeling

 The memories are mine

 I do not recall

 They elude me

 Though my presence

 I feel is real

 In the dark of the night

 In the thin hours of the morning

 Alone with my thoughts

 Alone with the burden

 I’ve been here before

 Do I have the strength to live again

My Motley Crue... one last time

Back in May I introduced you to my Motley Crue in a blog post. He was having some health issue that, well, were breaking my heart and causing me heaps of worry.

It has taken me a bit of time to decide to finally write this and tell you how things went but tonight seemed the night.

A short time after writing the above mention blog I received the news. Motley was diagnosed with Intestinal Lymphoma. He began treatment and rapidly improved... for a time. He played and ate and did "Motley" things. He was his regular cheerful self. When his health would change, his medication would be altered and he would immediately improve again. His prognosis was not good and we knew that all too well but thanks to his amazing Vet, Motley was able to spend so much time with us that he did not have and he did not waste a second of it.

Motley was with me until it was his time. The cancer had spread throughout his body in only a handful of months. I had never wanted to make the decision that now stood before me. I know this is a decision that has plagued many people. I didn't want to say good bye to him on a cold sterile exam table surrounded by strangers. In the end I didn't. Even though he wasn't in his home in the ultimate scenario that had played in my head years before... He past from here, held in my arms surrounded by those who luved him. It is all anyone could want.

Motley passed away exactly 15 years from the day I first brought him home

A thank you Steve for giving him the time he didn't have and for caring so much for him and for all animals.

Rest in Peace Motley Crue. xxx

"Glass Eyes"

 GLASS EYES

 These glass eyes

 Embedded in the head

 Eyes to the soul

 These glass eyes

 Belong to a soul

 Long dead

 To see

 To taste

 To feel the world

 To dive inside your mind

 The power to see

 Even when blind

 To chase the demons

 Out of sight

 Out of mind

 Shut behind

 Glass door

 To see

 To taste

 To feel no more

 Trapped behind glass eyes

"For Me, For You"

FOR ME, FOR YOU

So soft of voice

So warm to the touch

Do I trail off in your presence?

Your breath completes my thoughts

Arms around me

Complete my shell

In your comfort

I fall

In your thoughts

I lie

In your eyes, such loss

In your heart such hope

For me, for you

Never apart

Someday together

Someway

Does that scare you?

Does that tear your

Understanding?

Something so vast

Beyond me, beyond you

So empty

Tipped and spilt

Find the future

In what is now before us

For me, for you

"I Want"

 I WANT

 I want to be moved

 By the things that I say

 I want to hear

 The things that are said to me

 I want to know

 The things I should understand

 I want to be blessed

 By the things that are given to me

 I want to be

 What I want to be

 I want to say

 What I want to say

 I want to be

 Who I am inside

 Throw my inhibitions away

 Come alive

"I Am Dead"

 I AM DEAD

 I am dead

 Blood has hardened

 Flesh is rotten

 Bones are broken

 I am dead

 Did you fail to notice?

 Or has it been so long

 Since you cared to see?

 Where I used to be

 Lies vacant

 Remember

 I am dead

 The air lies still

 Once filled with life

 With laughter

 Now only silence

 I am dead

 My eyes hold no light

 My mind holds no thoughts

 My heart no longer beats

 I am dead

Autumn is being to fall

To start, I am aware that I have a Maple Tree growing in a pot in my kitchen and I am aware that this is less than normal but, C'est la vie. No one ever said I was 'normal'.

I met this little guy months ago when I was pulling weeds for the flower garden. When I pulled him from the garden with roots and all I decided that he deserved a second chance and planted him in a pot to help him recuperate from this traumatic event before finding him a new, more permanent home. He has been my kitchen companion for months now. He has almost double in size and seems and has been quite happy about his new vocation. Life as a house plant must seem easy compared to the hardships he sees his kinfolk endure outside the window.

At one point in the last week or so, while spending some quality dish washing time with my companion I notice that his leaves where beginning to 'brown' at the tips. Being a 'house plant' my first assumption was that I had neglected to water him, thus doing so immediately. As the days past his little leaves continued to dry at the tips. I accepted the fact that like all my house plant, eventually they lose there battle and succumb to my inadequate green thumb.

A few days ago my mind caught up. It finally occurred to me the my little friend was not dying but changing colours. Not like a 'house plant' but like his wild cousins he watches through the kitchen window... yeah, it sometimes takes me a bit to see the obvious!!

Not sure if my little friend is going to winter inside or if I will find him a new home this fall but i know we are going to have to have 'the talk' soon. I shall tell him what he truly is... hope he takes it well.

"Window"

WINDOW

Sitting in my room

Staring out my window

Condensation falls past my eyes

Down through my own perspective

Such compassion and understanding

I can’t help but feel the same

Bring me warmth

Bring me comfort

Protect me from the cold swiftness

That lurks outside my room

Just outside my window

Through the glory of my days

Through the frosty cold stare of my nights

Open wide

When all darkness passes

Body warmed by a womb

Of comfort and pleasure

Soul soothed by the protection you give

Sitting in my room

Staring out my window

Bunny Bean Bag Toss

I spend the last few weeks rushing to make a Bean Bag Toss game in time for my rescue's BIG fundraiser (Bunny Hop for Hope 2010).  It was a bit rushed at times as it was not the only task i had on my plate but it was finished with a whopping two days to spare!!

Check out the pictures of it's progress below!

First night I was able to get her sketched out and
get the sky painted!!

Finished the grass and started the sun & tulips.

Close up on the soon to be bunny (nameless at this point!)

Almost done but I wanted to get the holes cut out before
going any further... and that took a few days!

Holes cut!!

The finished bean bag toss!
Introducing Bentley the Bunny!!

Close up on Miss Bentley.

I am really quite proud of how well it turned out.  She's so cute and everyone at the Bunny Hop really seemed to enjoy her!

At the Bunny Hop for Hope 2010!!

At the Bunny Hop for Hope 2010!!

"Glass Flower"

It was five years ago today that I first picked up my pen and decided to start writing. Glass Flower is the first poem I ever wrote, probably the first anything that I ever wrote creatively.  So today, 5 years later I wanted to share it with you.

Cheers!

GLASS FLOWER

Mother, star

Imitate

One life attempted

Glass flower

Bleed for me

Be for me

Die for me

A glass flower never wilts

How can you exist?

My glass flower never lived

Angel, devil

Imitate

Beauty attempted

Glass flower

Bleed for me

Be for me

Die for me

A glass flower never wilts

How can you exist?

My glass flower never lived

Head up, eyes down

Who are you today?

Who you pretend to be

Bleed for me

Be for me

Die for me

A glass flower never wilts

How can you exist?

My glass flower never lived

Wilt for me glass flower

One life defended

One life denied

"The Shadow of the Day"

 THE SHADOW OF THE DAY

 In the shadow of the day

 You lie on the carpet

 Of my room

 Where I once lay

 In peace and solitude

 Spread out full in blossom

 To feel the warmth

 In spirit

 That I lay beneath you

 In the shadow of the day

 A silken body

 Naked in soul

 A free a spirit

 I long to behold

 I touch you once

 Lips so hot with life

 I touch you twice

 Your eyes as cold as ice

 To tease me with

 The thoughts you hold so close

 Hold me close

 Follow your voice

 Now you lie in a room so bare

 Close your eyes

 You still see me there

 Perched upon the bottom stair

 I laugh, you cry

 Touch of sex in my eyes

 I laugh, you cry

 Here we are always alive

 Here you feel no need

 For goodbyes

 Together we lie

"Never Forget"

 NEVER FORGET

  

 Forget

 Did you forget?

 Will you forget?

 Have I been forgotten?

 Forgotten

 Will I be forgotten?

 Will I slip away?

 Will I be forgotten?

  

 Something lost

 Slides from consciousness

 Slips from memory

 Only a distance past

 Vast

 Alone and empty

 Waiting for a path

 Waiting for the past

 Waiting for the future

 Future

 Lies in the past

 Lies in memory

 Fading for eternity

  

 Alone

 Waiting for what was

 Waiting for the next day

 That never came

 Do I wait for you?

 I wait for you

 Do you go on?

 I stay behind

 Do I linger?

 I linger

 Stuck in the past

 Only am I past

 Carry on

 You always carry on

 Left behind

 Waiting for before

   

 Before a change

 All is the same

 Faltered in the past

 Always without change

 Will I wait?

 I always wait

 Don’t forget

 I never forget

"Naked"

 NAKED

 Remove the chains

 See the world through red stained glasses

 Forced upon

 To disguise the truth

 Now the reality it has become

   

 Grass grows beneath you

 Leech the life from inside

 Tenderness, sweetness

 Inconceivable beauty

 Stolen from you

 Let your senses and perception fall from you

 Let your touch guide you

 Let your senses unfold

 Beyond your understanding

 Beyond the truth that is shown to you

 Remove the chains

 Walk naked for me

 Walk past the confines of society

 Show the world what you’re made of

 Don’t let them see what you’re afraid of

 Walk naked for me

 Strip away the lies that cover you

 Cover us all

 Feel the cold harshness of reality

 Whip against your body

 Our bodies

 No longer able to hide

 Where we once did

 Unaware

 No concern for where it might

 Take you

 Take us

 Throw your arms to the wind

 Scream at the sky

 Walk naked for me

 Remove the chains

 Walk naked for me

A Step In The Right Direction

Ok... Here goes...

For those of you that have been peeking at my blog over the last few months or have recently taken an interest in it (thank you so much BTW!)...  Well I finally did it!  I put brush to canvas and painted something. It's nothing too special.  I really just wanted to get the feel of the brush in my hands, the paint on the canvas and the smell of the paint back in my mind.

I am pretty proud of it all things considered and I did enjoy doing it although I am still not sure if I am done fussing with it.

I painted it while hiding out in my basement from a wicked heat wave that we had a few weeks back.  I guess you could say that was what inspired me.

It has taken me this long to have the nerve to show it to anyone.  In fact, with the exception of my best friend you are the first to see this.  I debated just squirreling it away... saving it until I had improved and could let people see it with a side of mockery and belittlement towards the little guy.

I think that this is better, although far more unnerving...

"Heat" 2010
Mixed Media on Canvas

"Shield"

 SHIELD

  

 I see you standing there

 So strong and in control

 I see you standing there

 So lost and in the cold

  

 I wanna hold you in my arms

 Until you are warm

 I wanna hold you in my arms

 Help you weather the storm

  

 I see you standing there

 Surrounded by those who care

 I see you standing there

 Trapped in voices that stare

  

 I wanna hold you in my arms

 In me you can confide

 I wanna hold you in my arms

 Not afraid to see you cry

 I see you standing there

 So strong and in control

 I see you standing there

 So lost and in the cold

  

 I wanna hold you in my arms

 Shield you from harm

 I wanna hold you in my arms

 Let calm replace, no need for alarm

 I see you standing there

 Drowning in the rain

 I see you standing there

 Blind and crippled in your pain

 I wanna hold you in my arms

 Raise your head, dry your eyes

 I wanna hold you in my arms

 Here you will never die

"A Note"

A Note

A rustle of papers

By the side of the bed

In search of the tools

I needed in haste

As the thoughts in my head

Find pen to paper

Leave you words to wake to

All that needs to be said

I love you

My Green Thumb??

OK, beyond the poetry... beyond the painting... and beyond the photography that I wish I could make...

I luv the earth, being part of the earth, bury my naked feet in the sand or dirt. As a child it was a full out fight to get me to wear my shoes. As an adult, I'm not much better. I do what i can to avoid shoes. I COULD be a retail stores worst nightmare but thanks to Doc Martin I can compromise! I even cut the grass bare foot, which seems to scare most people close to me but I do digress as this has very little to do with what my feet are up too!

My Beautiful Lilies

The fact that I am, by chinese astrology's interpretation an "Earth Sheep" must have something to do with this. Perhaps it is the reason that I believe I can garden! Well, if you mean that I can grow things, including weeds... I guess I am a gardener..err...umm Well at least I try and enjoy what I create!

My Garden, young, naive...

Weeds are giving me more than a bit of a hassle this year.

In fact, they had taken a firm foothold in my garden and the casualties are high. If you take into account the carrot, beet and kale populations the casualties are in the thousands. I can honestly say - I fought the fight. I went head to head with my garden and I lost. I've raised my white flag & hope that she will grant me a tomato or two... perhaps a cucumber in return. I will let the dead rest and salvage what I can. Next year I will stand firm and hope that no weed dare challenge me!

I hope that next year that weeds don't stand between me, my garden and everything else my life throws at me!

My Garden... my she rest in peace.

Cheers to gardening, or at least my feeble, sad attempt at it!!

"Breathe"

BREATHE


I’m gonna breathe a sigh
Run my fingers across your lips
Breathe a sigh
Your hands upon my hips
Breathe a sigh
Your eyes still glisten
From the tears you cried
Breathe a sigh
In peace for a short time

I’m gonna breathe a sigh
Hold you close beneath the sheets
Breathe a sigh
I taste you, so sweet
Breathe a sigh
Feel the heat of your skin
As our bodies lie together
Breathe a sigh
In peace for a short time

I’m gonna breathe a sigh
Follow the lines my lips trace
Breathe a sigh
My hair falls upon your face
Breathe a sigh
Listen to the whispers
Of peace in your eyes
Breathe a sigh
In peace for a short time

"One World Apart"

ONE WORLD APART


I feel your lips against my skin
My heart was yours
Yours to give
Away if you choose

I’m lying on the floor
Torn and bruised
Scratching at our fate
Like a dog abused

Leave me in the cold
Hold me in your arms
Always together
But we’re always apart

We are tied together
We are cut apart
Our lives are one
One world apart

We are tied together
We are cut apart
Our lives are one
One world apart

You look to me
I make you breathe
I look to you
You breathe life in my eyes

When we are together
You’re always somewhere else
You’re always someone else

We are tied together
We are cut apart
Our lives are one
One world apart

"Loved"

LOVED

You are such a sweet thing
And you are loved
Wipe your tears away
You are never alone
Always with you
You are never alone

Father, he loved you
It’s a shame he didn’t stay with you
He feels you with his heart
With his eyes, he holds you
Never leaves you alone

You are such a sweet thing
And you are loved
Wipe your tears away
You are never alone
Always with you
You are never alone

Mother, she loves you
It’s a shame she cannot show you
She wishes she understood your life
Tries so hard to be your all
She will understand you before the fall

You are such a sweet thing
And you are loved
Wipe your tears away
You are never alone
Always with you
You are never alone

Don’t think you are not noticed
Don’t think no one cares
You are never alone
You are never alone

Happy Canada Day!!

"Failure"

Failure

Fails to see the beauty

In today

Fails to see the light

Just slips away

Fails to feel your touch

Fails to feel your soul

Fails to feel what it's like

to not be alone

"What I Run From"

WHAT I RUN FROM

A light
A glow
Is all I see

To taste
What’s real
Is what I seek

To feel
To need
To understand
Why I do

To chase
To see
What I run from
Is me